- a weekly column published in the Pioneer Press

According to Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D. of U.C. Davis, practicing “grateful thinking” has a beneficial impact on our physical health, well-being and personal relationships. In a study conducted by  the National Institute of Healthcare Research, adults who kept a weekly  record of their grateful thoughts “exercised more regularly, reported fewer physical symptoms, felt better about their lives as a whole, and were more optimistic about the upcoming week compared to those who recorded hassles or neutral life events.”

Just a few weeks ago, I participated in an exercise to measure my resilience to adversity or what I term “hassles.” (Apparently, each of us encounters more than 20 hassles a day.) It seems a person’s resilience is related to: (1) how much control they think they have over adverse situations; (2) how much they hold themselves accountable for improving  situation; (3) how far-reaching they think the impact of an event will be; and (4) how long they think the good or bad consequences of an adverse event will be. (People with high resilience to adversity have a sense of control; hold themselves accountable; see impacts as limited and of short duration.)

Events are overwhelming for a person with low resilience thinking. They can become demoralized, depressed, helpless, and fatigued. One hassle bleeds over onto others. On the other hand, high resilience thinkers are optimistic, take on challenges, thrive on change and are healthy and energetic. Sounds like cultivating grateful and resilient thinking would be the way to go.  

I just spent a week in a conflict resolution class for facilitators. (To me, conflict is another concept that fits right in there in with adversity and hassles.) One of the techniques we learned was the power of naming the “worst possible outcomes” of a conflict situation and then naming the “best possible outcomes.” This particular training used the example of natural resources and local conflict. First, everyone in class contributed to this giant description of a community in conflict, characterized by really bad relationships, fear, anger, substance abuse, other health conditions, children leaving the area, a disastrous economy, poor environmental conditions, and hopelessness for the future. You could feel the heaviness and somberness in the room. I guess you could say it was a community with pretty low resilience.    

Then we described our “best possible outcomes” of a community in conflict. This was a place where people listened with respect, open minds and compassion. In turn, they were listened to with respect, open minds and compassion. It was a community with strong healthy families, a good economy, where creative solutions to problems came from the participation of everyone without anyone having to compromise. It was a community where governmental agencies were really helpful. It was a beautiful place, with healthy and productive forests, farmers in lush fields, ranchers growing fat calves, lots of eagles in the air, fish in the streams and fishermen on the banks…

This Thanksgiving, I’m going to try and start to cultivate grateful and resilient thinking.  Perhaps you might indulge yourself in a vision of what the best possible outcomes of conflict might look like in your community.

Emmons defines gratitude as “a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness and appreciation for life.” We do live in one of the most breathtakingly beautiful places in the world. We have good people with good hearts in our communities - people with many talents, skills and abilities. We have conflicts, but that does not mean that the outcome has to be the worst we can imagine. Perhaps there is opportunity in conflict to move toward our best outcomes.